


(but your love is alright) and i shall believe

by luthorsselene



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthorsselene/pseuds/luthorsselene
Summary: dani's ready to leave, her time has come. but what if jamie wakes up just in time to stop her?oran attempt at writing that deleted scene made at 3 a.m.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 144





	(but your love is alright) and i shall believe

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language, so i'm sorry for any mistakes you may find!

When Dani woke up in the middle of the night, she felt terror running through her body. For the last couple of months, she had been feeling the presence of the Lady in the Lake growing stronger inside of her, making her own feelings and thoughts hazy with every second that went by. However, her wife had been there with her through each step, guiding her out towards the light whenever she felt herself drowning into that ghastly spirit. Dani knew, despite her very own reluctance to admitting it, that Jamie was the only thing keeping her from losing herself, from forgetting it all. And she was trying so hard, so hard to stay afloat for her lover, but she was also aware of how tired both her body and mind were, of how unsustainable the situation was getting. But that night, it all changed for her.

Dani found herself trapped, unable to move as if chains were holding her body down and in place against some hard and freezing surface. In the beginning, she couldn't even see what lay above her head, for the darkness surrounding her was total. As the seconds (or minutes, or hours, she did not know anymore) passed, nonetheless, she heard the familiar sound of water gurgling, a haunting vibration that grew stronger and closer. She tried to scream, to wake up, to call for Jamie, but the water filled her mouth, her lungs, her entire body. Finally, she was able to notice a shadow standing above her as if looking down on her from outside the darkened water. Dani focused as hard as she could, but she felt like someone else was taking over her, dictating her moves and thoughts: Viola. She made another hopeless attempt at screaming for help, but no sound came from within her.

The water was somehow becoming thicker, clouding once again her vision, but Dani knew she needed to reach whoever was standing in safety. With her eyes shut closed, she struggled to gain control over herself, trying to summon the only thing that she knew would save her. Calling upon every cell in her body for strength, she conjured up the memories from the past years, the happiest moments in her life: Jamie and her dancing around their kitchen in the late afternoon, with no music, just the sound of their bodies moving together as one, creating a harmony so beautiful it had made Dani tear up; the glee in Jamie's face when she had proposed all those years ago, and the passionate kiss that had ensued; Jamie's pointless efforts to pretend to enjoy Dani's tea and coffee, and the way it made her own heart fill with warm love. Despite being underwater, Dani felt herself cry and, when she opened her eyes again, her view was suddenly clear. But it was not relief that filled her body, no, because the shadow that was waiting for her in the surface was not there to save her. Or was it? Some part of Dani's mind understood, without really knowing how, that she felt strongly for the brunette who looked down on her from above with a worried expression. She knew her, she was sure of that, but the invading spirit whispered into her head a soft song, almost like a lullaby, urging her to give up, to allow herself to rest. And so Dani did, because she did not fully know the woman standing in front of her, but she did know that she wanted to pause, and that was enough. But the sound of the water suddenly intensified and Dani did not know why or how, but her arm was stretching out towards the woman, the shadow, and choking her, trying to drag her along and into the water, into a timeless dimension where memories were washed away. Dani could not move, her entire mind was numb, but one name remained at the tip of her tongue before she woke up. _Jamie_.

The sound of the lake faded in a matter of seconds and Dani found herself in her own quiet room, breathing in and out rapidly, with difficulty, her stomach twisted with the most absolute terror she had ever felt. It wasn't about the nightmare - she was already used to Viola messing with her head in the black of night. But she found, with dread, her own body sitting on top of her wife, her own arm stretched out towards her neck, one centimetre away from touching that soft skin she knew so well. Her sight was suddenly blurry, but it was not the lake that kept her from looking clearly at Jamie's undisturbed face, but her own tears of sorrow, of understanding, of melancholy for the life she was unwilling to lose. Because she had to, she had to leave, she had to protect Jamie from what would become of her. She did not want her loved one to see how Viola took over her, how the woman she loved forgot herself and the world around her, how the spirit dragged her into a bottomless lake where she would no longer be herself. So she went to the kitchen, grabbed a pen, and wrote the only goodbye letter she needed to write.

_Dear Jamie,_

_It's here, finally. The moment we have both been fearing has come. I feel her, and she's not quiet anymore, she's not at peace. These past years, you have been guiding me through this dark jungle, guiding me towards the light, showing me the way out and into this beautiful life we've created together. You have made me the happiest on this earth. But the beast doesn't want to stay hidden and lurking any longer, it has sprung. It refuses to wait, she wants to take me, she wants to take me with her now. And I love what we have, but I cannot risk the most important thing, my most important person, my very own moonflower. Not for one more day._

_I hope, in time, you will allow yourself to find love again, to find someone else who's worth the effort. Please remember what our wise Flora said: dead does not mean gone. I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me. I will love you until the end of times._

_Dani._

The blonde woman left the note in the table right next to their bed, where she was sure her wife would find it when she woke up. It was short, brief, but deeply sincere, just like their love was. She looked down to her beloved's face for the last time, trying to absorb every single one of her features, the way her hair framed her face, praying to some superior power she would not forget her, but she knew it was in vain. Dani stood in front of their door and looked back into the apartment, back into the life she was leaving behind. Every single surface available was crammed with pictures of them: Jamie hugging her in Owen's restaurant; Jamie smiling in a clear, Vermont's snowflakes during Christmas softly falling upon her hair; Dani kissing Jamie's cheek in their flower shop. Everywhere she looked, she saw her loved one, and it was an awful constant reminder of what was at stake. She wanted to stay, oh how she wanted to climb back into their bed where the brunette would hold her until everything else faded away. But she could not. And thus, sobbing quietly in the dark, Dani turned back to the door and opened it with the utmost care, trying not to make a single sound. She had not been careful enough, apparently.

"Dani?" That voice, the only one that brought her home upon hearing it, the only one she did not want to hear at that moment. She shook her head, refusing to turn back, tricking herself into thinking it was Viola's voice calling for her, anything but Jamie.

"Dani, what are you doing?" So she had no read the letter. The blonde breathed in deeply before turning to face the woman, but it was the worst decision she could've done, for she looked... perfectly splendid, she thought with a smile. The moonlight coming from the window at the end of the hallway cast a shadow before her, which made her look like the miracle Dani knew she was.

Dani swallowed hard, trying to hide her sobs, but it seemed impossible because she was living the worst scenario she hadn't allowed herself to picture: having to look straight into Jamie's eyes and leave her. The brunette came closer, her steps slow but steady as if trying not to scare Dani away. When she was only an arm's length away, she stared at her and Dani saw the exact moment she exhaled, the realization of what was happening falling upon her shoulders. She didn't dare to move, but Jamie was shaking her head and crying, and that was the one thing Dani could not bear.

"Jamie, please", she whispered, reaching out to hold her wife in her arms.

"No, no, you can't go, not now, not when everything's perfect. Please, Dani", Jamie managed to say between her uncontrollable sobs.

Dani closed her eyes, trying to force the tears back, because she had to be strong for both of them while she could.

"Jamie, I have to go, I need to go now, please...", she begged while her fingers caressed the brunette's hair with tenderness in a pointless attempt to calm her.

The gardener breathed in hard, letting go of her lover's embrace, but she felt how every part of her ached at the knowledge that she was going to lose Dani. She fell down to the floor, tears streaming down her face, her body trembling. "Dani, please... please", she managed to let out once more.

Dani kneeled and held Jamie tightly with her arms once again, and her wife curled herself against that warmth she knew so well. "Hold on, I need you", she whispered into the dark. But within that embrace, when her Poppins put her arms around her, she felt a sort of tranquil aking over her. They were both crying, but they were home, and everything was somehow going to be okay.


End file.
